Fourteen Years Of Heartache In The Microverse, Is The End In Sight?

[Estzen]

@GR1ZZL3R in GGnetwork, there are many guys with 300k winnings, 1million winnings etc and being super losers. Some guys just play super big games out of their bankroll, sometimes they hit their win .. and that boosts their "earning" - while they are net down in all graphs they have.  In my old PC I had a screenshot posted some 665k down line that is going ... impressive. Probably lots of loans back there too.

 

[Samba]

Nice to see some strat discussion. I just said to 3b those hands as an experiment, similar to open folding AA. @Estzen I bet I could show a profit 3betting K6o pure at 100bbs vs CO over a large sample at micros, but I know it isn't standard. You know what else isn't standard? Peoples 4b bluff % CO vs BU

[Estzen]

Would like to see data  . @Samba

[Samba]

@EstzenHaven't used MDA for over a year so my info could be wrong now, but it's still working for me. The guy who I used showed that you could 3bet from BB ATC vs BU and it would do better long term than folding pre up to 400nl. (On untracked sites)

Mainly because of the lack of 4b bluffs. Doesn't mean you need to triple it off. You're making a vacuum play that  loses less money than folding vs population.

Data was mined from GG tables.

 

[GR1ZZL3R]

'Ow do.

    Before we go any further I feel I have to address the mental side of this game a bit more. I am truly grateful for comments on how to improve my actual game but unless I can start handling the pressure a bit more competently it's like 

 

 

On 22/04/2024 at 14:27, HardGain said:

 The mental part is for sure one of the key points. 

   I'm with you there.

 

On 23/04/2024 at 22:53, KrustyTheClown said:

I think improving your mental game is much tougher than improving your technical game.

     I totally agree.

 

On 24/04/2024 at 09:12, Samba said:

I feel like your mental was pretty strong, you seemed stoic.

   That pretty well sums me up but you've obviously never seen the stupid stuff I do, why oh why is poker the one thing guaranteed to tilt me sooner or later. 

 

On 24/04/2024 at 09:12, Samba said:

Tommy Angelo has advocated open folding AA as a mental experiment just to see if you can disconnect yourself from the game entirely. I've read some of his stuff a long time ago and have done it.

   I've done it as well but 1 hand out of hundreds of thousands hasn't helped. 

 

On 24/04/2024 at 10:42, Estzen said:

150k hands is also showing, that right now you are just not beating that game. This is not varience.

   I'm not totally convinced on that argument. I enjoy Matt Berkley and crews discussions on variance and the fact that virtually every winning player is part of the survivorship bias. Very good players, I'm certainly not claiming to be one, can run horrendously for very long periods and eventually just give in, even a million hands is not necessarily a true reflection of variance. 

   As far as I can see the mental game is not just learning to accept the bad beats and suck outs that are part and parcel of the game, that's certainly part of it and I have to improve, if only to stop that sense of injustice or entitlement that can send  me down the slippery slope of ruin. Maybe it's something in me that's not wired correctly but I'll give a quick example of what I'm sometimes fighting against. 

   I've been playing a while, nothing really good or bad has happened but I'm on a single buy in ticket so can't top up ( currently on my last ticket so will not do that ever again ) and then I'm dealt TT, It's the best hand I've had in this session apart from a pair of Jacks which won me one and a half BB. I'm already over an hour in, and I decide then and there I'm going with it come what may. 

 

   

   A min raise is immediately discounted and I pause and 3 bet. There is a snap 4 bet and from all previous reads and actions I KNOW  immediately that I'm beaten. I can be as patient as the next guy, I built my reputation at snooker as being The Grinder, after Cliff Thorburn, giving nothing away, and  able to block one end at cricket when the wickets were tumbling by simply not playing a shot, even though I wasn't a very good batter, but protecting my wicket as though my life depended on it, yet poker brings out the worst in me. I snap all in, there's a snap call, and in one, I think, avoidable blip I lose another stack. All my experience, for what that's worth, table reads, villain reads, etc etc etc tell me to fold but I ignore them all and get shown QQ.    Should I ignore my reads and shove anyway, which I did,  should I call, should I fold, does it depend?  Am I making too much of this, even though it seems to happen so regularly? 

   Sometimes I do wonder if I'm making too much of a mental issue out of things like this, and I know these things happen to us all, but a bit more reading might give me some more insight. 

   Time for tea so ta-ra for a bit. 

 

Side Note

 

   

 

 

[Rushbie]

On 24/04/2024 at 12:23, Estzen said:

no1 will build the pots for you, you have to do it yourself. 

I don't often quote others, especially Estzen ;p, but in this one i think i have to. 

Yes.

You gotta give action to get action.

And that doesn't mean the moment when you're in a pretty hand, but the time and hands before it.

Edited April 25 by Rushbie

[Estzen]

Quote

  I'm not totally convinced on that argument. 

1. Millions of hands down? No. 

2. When "EVEN" High Rollers have their swings , well aparently you cant have some winning 30BB/100 at 1kNL either - so the swings are much easier to come because everyones winrate is lower.  PEOPLE HAVE LESS EDGE AGAINST EACH OTHER, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE AN EDGE. 

3. 4NL is like 2NL in Unibet really. No you cant be winning and have 150k hands in total... I can believe someone being 50k hands long  downers and so ... but 150k and not up... no its not varience, never is. 

4. The TT is an easy fold specially when Multiway and vs 4bet .... thats not really even a read, that 4NL reality. 

 

ANyway, while these things maybe hard to admit, the focus isnt that "Hey, you suck" . The focus is: Look, right now you are bleeding money... and you can change it if you work on your game - actually. Actively. 

Timeouted with JJ in sloberknocker qualify. but I hope it was worth a fold to write it  . 

[KrustyTheClown]

6 hours ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

 I've been playing a while, nothing really good or bad has happened but I'm on a single buy in ticket so can't top up ( currently on my last ticket so will not do that ever again ) and then I'm dealt TT, It's the best hand I've had in this session apart from a pair of Jacks which won me one and a half BB. I'm already over an hour in, and I decide then and there I'm going with it come what may. 

 

   

   

I think you kinda realize yourself that this type of thinking is very bad. 
Even apart from this TT hand in particular, you should always re-evaluate when you "get new info".
It's like going broke with AA in a 3bet pot no matter what happens.
Is it a cooler or is it misplayed?

In the particular hand the cold 4bet is obviously super strong. Especially when it's a non all in 4bet.
If villain were spazzing, he'd mostly be 4bet shoving his 57bb instead of making it 25bb.
But the thing is also that you have only 62bb.
You've pointed it out yourself. You can't be playing scared money. Let alone even having a full BI.
Anyone not playing a 100BB stack is always an immediate target.
No matter the stakes, I think having 25BI in your account is the bare minimum if you want to take things a bit more serious 
If you don't, it will put you at a disadvantage, no matter how good or bad you are.
Even people that crush the game will have regular 10BI+ downswings and some 20BI+ downswings once in a while.
But looking critical at your game is essential to improving.
After every session I have at look at every pot I lost over 40BB.

But if I were "forced" to play only a single table, I'd probably be spazzing all over the place 
 

[SShcherbyna]

There are several types of players:
1. @Estzen style.

2. @Livertool style.

3. @GR1ZZL3R style.

[GR1ZZL3R]

14 hours ago, KrustyTheClown said:

I think you kinda realize yourself that this type of thinking is very bad. 
Even apart from this TT hand in particular, you should always re-evaluate when you "get new info".
It's like going broke with AA in a 3bet pot no matter what happens.
Is it a cooler or is it misplayed?

   It is bad, I agree.

   I would always take AA all the way no matter what but I am learning not to be the guy I laugh at but still do the same. 

   I open to 4BB, get called. I bet 3/4 pot on the flop, 6BB and am called. On the turn I bet 3/4 pot again and am raised, a big warning sign. Back in the bad old days I would have shoved, mostly these days I would fold, this time I called. 

   I check the river and he effectively shoves, I fold. It's a horrible looking board but I see more and more when others call, even on less dangerous boards (not me these days) villain always has it. At least my AA was only partially cracked so does not count to the 43 times in a row claim. 

   Villain raises 3BB, two calls including me, because he was an over active short stack and I had position. If he'd have been a reg or I was OOP I would have folded or maybe raised, depending. Villain bets 5BB (1/2 pot) on the flop, we both call. On the turn he bets 7.5 BB into 25, 2nd shortie folds and I call again, I've added a gutter to my flush draw. The river brings the flush and he only bets 10BB into 40. My reasoning for re-raising is: Villain initially liked his hand but when met with resistance both on the flop and turn he begins to be unsure. The smaller bets indicate he's got a hand but not very good now, a flush or even a straight for him and he would have shoved, so I shoved. He thought quite a while and eventually called.

   I don't know whether I played either hand well or not, I'm fairly pleased with both, but my point is the difference a few mental exercises can make. A few months ago I would have lost my stack with the Aces and done the same as the villain with the AA.

   I know it's bad when you have a short stack, others simply target you more as I do to others, so I promise only to play when I can auto top up now.

14 hours ago, KrustyTheClown said:

But the thing is also that you have only 62bb.
You've pointed it out yourself. You can't be playing scared money. Let alone even having a full BI.
Anyone not playing a 100BB stack is always an immediate target.
No matter the stakes, I think having 25BI in your account is the bare minimum if you want to take things a bit more serious 
If you don't, it will put you at a disadvantage, no matter how good or bad you are.
Even people that crush the game will have regular 10BI+ downswings and some 20BI+ downswings once in a while.
But looking critical at your game is essential to improving.
After every session I have at look at every pot I lost over 40BB.

     I know I'm a target with a short stack as I tend to target them myself. I have over €100 in my account, 25 buy ins, and €100 of BPs  now (after my latest winnings ) so promise to always play with auto top up. 

   

14 hours ago, KrustyTheClown said:

But if I were "forced" to play only a single table, I'd probably be spazzing all over the place 
 

   The more I look at it the more convinced I am that the slow pace of 1 tabling is too slow. It's the twenty minutes of not playing a hand (genuinely card dead, not just too tight) that causes the "Come Hell or High water" attitude and self destruction. Three tables it is then, and auto top up, and many many buy ins.      

   Bye for now.

[GR1ZZL3R]

And better than your spellin! 

 

  I wonder how long it will be before they get so desperate for me to pay £13.99 to find out my I.Q rating that they'll start offering a discount? Or tell me my I.Q. is remarkable. Or exceptional. Or astounding. Or something. 

[GR1ZZL3R]

 

      It was only a matter of time and who was more patient.

 

All this from a ten minute 30 question assessment, remarkable!

   The question is now "Is 50% enough." 

[GR1ZZL3R]

   Signs of growth. 

   From a distance there seems to be a lack of progress anywhere, either in the garden or on the felt.

 

A distinct lack of green...

 

...but closer inspection provides encouragement.

 

Repotting some old favourites...

 

...cutting out the deadwood...

... and tidying up round the Rocky 2 edges.

     

 

 

   The first four weeks on the felt have been similarly lacking in growth, a graph swinging up and down like a demented yo-yo on steroids, after a great start, reality biting once again.

 

   However after a little bit of reading, yet another reset on my playing set up, (three tables and auto top up) and 2 sessions of swingless poker there's cause for encouragement. 

 

 

 

 

 

Flop of the day.

Sometimes sadly they're not biting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Estzen]

The key of improvement is progession. How would you answer this question: 

What is the difference between you playng poker right now vs one year ago? 

When I ask this question myself, I tend to think year by year, that I was horrible compared to what I know. It is usually because the progress just develops so much that you understand how shallow the past has really been. 

The mental side can be a big hurdle, but it can be also a correlation due to just constantly making mistakes and hence losing. Therefore, stress levels increase because the losing is with constant intervals. So its not only about developing a mental game directly, but understanding that less developed understanding  about the game leads to lower mental game as a correlate. 

As right of right now, having a losing winrate its comforting to see that you are about €200 euros in with BP+money. Old school buyin rules were like 20 buyins for cash. Ive heard many use like 50 buyins. In one podcast I heard one crusher say he plays with 100 or 200 because it takes a lot more stress away and downers are much more "affordable". Playngs NL 500, and 1Ks. that freakin a lot. ... 

My point is, with negative winrate, 20 buyins would be ridiculous in any sense  . And at least you are not handing down NL10 to give your money away faster. Which some guys would certainly do. So at least somewhat protected - but if there is no improvement ... nothing will really change. 

Btw, proabably feels really shity to get 10buyins a win and then see it all going away. It constantly feels like a validation that "I can do it". Yet the most important fact isnt actually this graph or a day. The most important question is: "What did I dont know 1 week ago?" "What Have I really changed?" ... From where will my winrate improve?

What  have I really done to archive it? 

Or is it . "Last time it didnt go too well, but I ll keep tryng maybe this time it goes better" <- thats just blind hope with no real difference. Its like pooring water from the sink that is leaking and hoping that the leak has just erased by itself. And you can still fill the glass from time to time, but the bills are a lot bigger. 

I hope it theres a gist for focus. May your game improve like plants in the garden - but plants need water to do it. 

 

[GR1ZZL3R]

    and thanks for the feedback. 

 

22 hours ago, Estzen said:

The key of improvement is progession. How would you answer this question: 

What is the difference between you playng poker right now vs one year ago? 

   I think there's been a lot of differences in the last year but I'll restrict it to what I feel is the main one. "Tight is right" is the mantra you hear all over the place but I got sick and tired of playing tighter and tighter and still losing. I had a "Eureka" moment when I realised it was not being tighter and tighter that harmed my game but the way I played the few hands I did. At one stage I was down to playing less than 10% of hands but still losing. Not playing a hand for 20 minutes and then getting stacked with KK was not because I was not tight enough, it was because I wouldn't lay down KK under any circumstances, even the worst possible run outs imaginable and the most aggressive betting against me. A widening of my pre flop raising, indeed a tightening of 3 bet calling, especially OOP, but basically trying to get to the flop in the most favourable circumstances, HU, in position and with the betting lead. A huge change. 

 

22 hours ago, Estzen said:

As right of right now, having a losing winrate its comforting to see that you are about €200 euros in with BP+money.

   It just happens to be what it is, you're right that to a losing player br management is meaningless, 1,000 buy ins wouldn't be enough in the long run. I happen to have +25 buy ins right now for €4 but if I lost it all today* I could top up and go again. The BP's are a reserve now to be used for special events, maybe community stuff.

 

22 hours ago, Estzen said:

Btw, proabably feels really shity to get 10buyins a win and then see it all going away.

   It does.

 

   I've ditched the blind hope but the validation (graphs, win rates etc) are on the back burner, at least in the short term. What does anyone think about watching their bankroll, how often does anyone check or update? I've played 2 days without checking flops, hands played or profit and loss, (except for a vague feeling, only clocking time spent) intending to ask for my stats on a weekly basis when everything will be updated.

   * Maybe back in the bad old days (last month.). I've played today nearly 2 hours, about 60BBs up after 20 minutes. That's usually enough for me to call time and lock up a win but the new me decided to carry on. Ten minutes later I was back to moaning, after 3 quick suckouts.  "I knew I should have stopped, how could that moron call with 3rd pair then hit his second pair on the river? This always happens, every time, how do they hit the flop every time, why do they draw and always get there and my draws never do, it's ridiculous."  These and other rants could sometimes produce the dreaded tilt monster and lead to more and more damage, but today I was just determined to get at least an hour's play in. I guessed at this stage I was about 2 buy ins down, probably wiping out any gains made yesterday, and eventually it took nearly another hour, but (I'm guessing again) I came out with a small but significant profit. Significant not because of the size but the fact I played on and didn't tilt (much.) One session is not a sample size and there is so far to go, but what I've learned today is "It's not bound to end badly." How I react when it does could be a long chapter. 

 

 

Flop of the day.

Only a small pot won but it looked pretty. 

 

Turn of the day  

This led to an all in by villain on my right, bet, 3bet, 4bet, shove, with a bare J. I held.  

River of the day.

Again not a huge pot but still pretty. I hoped he had the flush but no. 

 

 

 

  

[Estzen]

Very nice! 

Well, I didnt mean that bankroll is meaningless when you are losing, what I meant was that. At least you have some kind of roll to play with. Which is good to see.

In terms of time sessions and cash. 

Imo you should leave games only when you feel that you will lose your head.. 

Otherwise, cash grind is like one big eternal session of hands that go, on-and-on. Dont weight it over, how much you are up or down from one day. Would you have more money if you would have left? 

You would also have less hours then. And these hours matter. 

Really would like you to get breakin even and ++. 

Just learn every week/day .. and make notes, make conspects. 

Get better. Put in the hours. 

Time management is relevant of when you start to be less focused .. or feel that you are not in the right mind. - otherwise’ dont quit your games by "protecting the money". Just doesnt work that way. Specially when you get a good table... dont leave it, smash it. 

/ I went to a bar poker game with 6 euros today. I busted with AK , one all in was T6s, the other was JTs. Both called my jam. I just wanted to see the place, im in another town , just chilling alone. AirBnB etc.  Ill skip the Title Fight and stuff like that tomorrow but probably will play ay least something because it shouldnt be day off but it kinda is. . My point is there is nonsense constantly happening, be better than nonsense, and find hours to put in volume. Volume is your poker life line. 

 

 

[GR1ZZL3R]

   Well I've managed a full week playing with the br hidden, and not so much as glanced at it. It's not been a great week but after a fair start I've had a few days struggle, and I'm really surprised that I've ended up in front, a sheer guess was level at best, but I'll take the win.

If it's going to be a slow steady climb then I'll accept that, at least upwards is better than down. 

 

[GR1ZZL3R]

    Signs of growth. 

 

My pre flop ranges have grown slowly but surely.

 

 As mentioned earlier one problem I realised was that I wasn't staying out of trouble by playing tighter, it was the way I played some good hands that I was unwilling to let go that led me to trouble, an unforeseen by product of being too tight in the first place. A vicious circle if you like. Tighten up, lose a big pot, tighten up further, not get to play good hands, lose some, tighten up, it was strangling my play rather than keeping me safe. But tightness can be relative, and even those not paying a lot of attention seemed to get out of the way when a raise comes after 20 minutes of folding. 

 

  But realising I was becoming too tight, seeing less than 10% of flops, has led to me selectively widening my opening ranges, especially in the cut off or on the button, and that in turn has led to me seeing about 16% of flops for the time being. 

 

My pre flop 3betting has also grown slightly.

   And I mean 3betting with hands other than AA or KK.   When you're playing too tight or too defensively it's far too easy to fall into the fold fold fold mentality, even when you know villain must be raising light. 

 

And that leads onto the very tiny growth of my 4betting range.

   Other than with AA or KK of course.   Yesterday there was one particular villain on two of my tables, I had not seen the name before or his particular betting patterns very often (I was under two different aliases). He was not only raising light but 3betting quite often, too often in my view. Time for a test but not a full on assault. I waited a couple of circuits, UTG raised, CO called, villain on the button 3bet, I closed my eyes and 4bet, not a premium. Everyone folded quite quickly.  A very similar situation occurred on the second table, within a minute, was it too soon? The same villain 3bet, I 4bet, everyone folded. Wow, the power and the glory. I'm certainly not going to go overboard on this one but it does make you think.  Hopefully a lesson on tightness learned.

 

 

[RichardB]

Good to see your opening ranges growing!

As a regular at the 4NL cash tables l see a lot of players playing far too many hands. I generally open 15 to 20% of hands overall, opening wider from cutoff and button. I will also flat some hands from cutoff and button. This has given me a decent winrate at this level.

 So 16% is a step forward - also try to study some 6max cash preflop ranges between sessions.

Good luck at the tables (unless you're on my table!)

[GR1ZZL3R]

   "There's no crying in baseball."  

   Well there shouldn't be in poker either but sometimes the sense of injustice, despair,  hopelessness, and helplessness can be pretty overpowering. But it is only a game, and the pain is easy to stop, just quit playing.

   All these thoughts can come crowding in, especially after a horrible run followed a good one. This week was very similar to the one before, a good start the first few days, over 4 buy ins up, then lose it all in a few minutes next time. Looking back at the destruction I honestly thought I was unlucky and only 1 hand was my fault, tilt rage, but when all the pain and anguish had died down I went back with a calmer more critical view.  I'm counting a reviewable losing spot as half a buy in or more, so 50BBs. Ultimately I decided there were enough warning signs to put me at some level of fault, probably a high one, in 3 of the 6 big losing spots, one was definitely 100% rage tilt.  Two of them were what I consider as unavoidable all ins, both when well ahead but both losing,  and one where I think I was ok but not too sure.

A raise, I 3bet, sb calls, raiser folds, we go to the flop.

 

Small stack caller shoves. He could literally have any 2 here so calling was wholly based on the price.

I thought 47 Bb to win 117 was not quite enough but with two overs and the nut flush draw I called.

Was the price right? 

 

   So back to reality the next few days but again I found myself cutting sessions short in order to ensure booking a win, something I'm really trying to cut out. Anyway I did make it back into profit, a small one again but going the right way still. 

   Only 5 hours played, nowhere near enough, but the weather has really turned for the better, I'm out and about more during the day and during the evenings I much prefer to watch some football league play offs, cricket or a good film. I did actually play a short session in the early hours this morning just to see, 40 players in the pool and quite a few short stackers among them. I won't give those results here but will say another week has started off very promisingly. 

 

 

 

[Samba]

snap call ATc if they're bad enough to cold call 3bets then I don't care what they have they might have 88-JJ and waiting for a "safe flop" but you have too much equity. Since they cold called pre they are super bad so hopefully they compound their mistake by doing something even more -EV than their preflop play. (which it looks like they have done)

[GR1ZZL3R]

   Home Alone

   When you yet again start the week by winning with no pressure, no huge decisions, no massive setbacks, everything seems calm and serene. Then it comes to Thursday again and a downswing hits, and hits hard. I haven't looked at my balance but I'm estimating 5-6 buy ins up on the first three days and most, if not all, gone again. What made it even  worse was that yesterday was my birthday, so I was raging at the poker gods for not even giving me a bit of peace and quiet on what should or could be a supposed special day. I just don't seem to be able to get a run going and the annoying thing is I think I wasn't playing poorly, just running the absolute worst.

   Painless Poker is helping to some degree,  showing me how to stop focussing on the fact that my only pair of KK was out rivered by a flush and my only AA was out flopped by two pairs, 32 of all things, not even suited, and time after time it seemed villains were being rewarded left right and centre with  miracle flops, turns and rivers. 

   So after fuming for shorter than usual the weekly alarm went off to signify the community tourney was about to start. I haven't been playing them but thought I'd check in to see what was happening, only 3 players regged and Rushbie sending a call on Discord for more players, so I thought "why not?" and bought a ticket. I was in a bit of a rush but decided I might as well stream the tourney and invite people to drop in so sent an invite to "everyone" on Discord that earned me a telling off. I'm guessing a call to "everyone" has to be of Earth shattering significance to cause people to check out what's going on, especially those that hardly ever interact there.

I'll tag who I like when I like if it's all the same to you, unless checked by a higher authority. 

Time for a rant.

   I had a little bit of a rant on stream, nothing too serious (Painless Poker) but really what is wrong with all you community members. There's a private tournament provided weekly that at the moment is giving massive overlay, you get a call to arms to come along and have a bit of fun and some chat if you like, and the response is deafening silence or complaints about being tagged. I won't be bothering to notify anyone in future, let's keep it really low numbers and mop up the value between the few in the know. I was messing about setting up the streaming as I haven't done any for a while and loads of stuff was out of date, but I managed second place from only 10 runners and a "free" €30 bonus, I will stream again next week and all are welcome to come along.

Rant over.

   To be fair it wasn't just winning the money that cheered me up, I said on stream I'd had a pretty miserable birthday, home alone, no cards, no presents but above all no people. My grandson had Uberred (?) me some presents (my daughter is a Jehovah's Witness so doesn't do birthdays or Christmas [that's not why she wasn't there, she's not been fully well for some time and has bad days] some buns, a packet of popcorn and some beer. The shop had run out of that beer so it didn't make it here, but two out of three ain't bad. That was nice but on the stream when the tourney went to break there was a flood of messages, wishing me good luck and a happy birthday, and some messages in Discord doing the same. I said how that had tremendously cheered me up, the rest of the day's nonsense and even the cash faded into insignificance, and off to bed on a very happy upbeat note. 

   I know I can be a grumpy old git at times but that really boosted me, so back to it today, another year older, probably none the wiser, but with a much more positive outlook. 

 

[Samba]

Belated birthday greetings

I forgot to play that tournament after seeing it in the lobby. Give sean the benefit of the doubt maybe he was having a bad day, but point taken. I'll set an alarm for the next one too good shout.

[HardGain]

I'm reading this with a huge delay, missed all the evening action last week, but just wanted to wish you all the best for your birthday (and I mean it, not writing just like that), even it wasn't how a birthday should be. 
I would for sure at least join your stream, but at that time I was probably already half sleeping reading tales to my daughter

Pokerwise, also my week was horrible. Those runouts, when you have a great hand, you keep betting and every next card is making a possible draw and on the river they ship it like never before. 

I really don't know what's the big deal about tagging everyone on discord, I would be happy to be notified if I was online as I would jump on youtobe for sure. Well, you can't please everyone, right? I just don't want you keep back now, there are a lot of us who cares.

Have a great weekend and see you at NL4 tables if you're still down here 

[GR1ZZL3R]

 Thanks both for the comments above, I think feedback can be a motivator. Anyway...

   "After all, tomorrow is another day." 

   Nice sentiment but what happens when there's no improvement, no upturn, no relief? Well there's tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. But how many days after that is the limit? How long do we keep going? When will the pain stop?

   It seems at times I'm on a treadmill that not only doesn't get me anywhere but occasionally the motor reverses and I end up going backwards and even falling off at the start. I know it's variance, there are hundreds, even thousands, of threads all with the same theme, but when it's happening to you, sat by yourself, going through the mental torture of beat after beat, like a steady metronome, lose, lose, lose, and you think you are absolutely the unluckiest player in the Universe, you're dealt KK in the big blind... and everyone folds. Within a minute on another table you're dealt AA. There's a min raise , a 3bet , you 4 bet   the short stack shoves , the big stack reshoves , you call ,  shorty shows KT, big stack shows JJ  the flop is AQ4 rainbow , the turn's a Ten , in your heart of hearts you know what the river's going to be, and it comes a King.

 

    All the air is sucked out of the room, the blood drains from your face, there's a high pitched whining inside your head, you're deflated, rolled up and flattened. But tomorrow's another day, right?  It'll be alright on the night, right. It's just variance, right?

   For me that's just another breaking point in a long line of seemingly never ending breaking points, yet another session where I played ok but got crushed, where oh where oh where are those sessions where I play crap but win? 

   But I've not actually broken yet. Yes I've stopped playing, even as mentioned for 15 weeks, I've sworn off poker for life, I've quit forever but I keep coming back for more. Why? I don't know, maybe I'm determined to beat the game, maybe I'm a sucker for punishment, maybe I'm too stupid to know when I'm beaten. but I'm not actually beaten yet. The downswing has only been a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things, the bank roll is still intact and even in the black, no matter by how little, so we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down, and start all over again. 

 

 

   To finish on a more positive note Fuchsia 2 has been transferred to Rocky 2 and seems to be doing well, alongside the remnants of something that's survived the last two years of neglect.

    

Also Mrs B came along to inspect the work and help tidying up, Mr B has been heard but not seen.