theMachine

IT IS TIME FOR THE ONLINE UNIBET OPEN PLAYER PARTY [PREDOMINANTLY ATTENDED BY AUTOMATONS]!

THE FIRST EVER ONLINE UNIBET OPEN EVENT COMMENCES 21/05/20! theHYPEmachine HAS RETURNED! WHAT SHOULD WE EXPECT FROM THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION? GUARANTEE BUSTING PRIZEPOOLS? TOURNAMENT STREAMS? GIVEAWAYS? VIRTUAL PLAYER PARTY? SILLY SIDE QUESTS? theMachine WILL OF COURSE BE COMPETING IN THE MAIN EVENT WHILE CONSIDERING THE SIDE EVENTS: ARE THERE OTHER COMMUNITY MEMBERS ATTEMPTING TO DERAIL theMachine? //IDENTIFY_YOURSELF:FOR TARGETING MONITORING... theHYPEmachine WILL ATTEMPT TO KEEP YOU UPDATED FROM THE VIRTUAL FELT: PLEASE CONTRIBUTE WITH YOUR OWN UPDATES

INITIATED SATELLITES FOR THE DSO TOO LATE & DID NOT MAKE SUFFICIENT PROGRESS IN TIME :(

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theMachine SOUGHT A SUITABLE PRACTICE RUN BEFORE THE UNIBET_OPEN & QUALIFIED FOR THE €250 UK_TOUR EVENT. //THE_UNIBET_UK_TOUR: ONLINE //DAY_1: THE EARLY ACTION WAS CHAOTIC & MANIC. A TOTAL DISREGARD FOR MONEY WAS ON DISPLAY FROM MANY. theMachine WAITED FOR AN OPPORTUNITY. & WAITED… & WAITED. theMachine ONLY PLAYED 4 HANDS DURING THE FIRST 13 LEVELS: RAISED 2.5x / FOLDED TO LARGE 3BETRAISED 2.5x / 1 CALLER / CBET FLOP / OPPONENT FOLDEDRAISED 2.5x / 2 CALLERS / CHECKED MISSED BOARD UNTIL FOLDING TO BET ON RIVERRAISED 2.5x / CALLED SMALL 3BET / CHECK FOLDED MISSED FLOP WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THOSE 4 HANDS, theMachine FOLDED FOR THE FIRST 172 MINUTES OF THE TOURNAMENT. AS A PROFICIENT SATELLITE PLAYER: theMachine HAS STRUGGLED TO WRAP ITS CIRCUITS AROUND THE ISSUE OF FAILURE IN BIGGER BUY-IN TOURNAMENTS. REPEATEDLY, theMachine EXPERIENCES NO TRACTION IN LARGER EVENTS, A PATTERN WHICH CANNOT BE IGNORED. theMachine HAS SOUGHT TO IMPROVE THIS YEAR BUT ONCE AGAIN FINDING THE SAME ISSUE PLAYING OUT IN FRONT OF ITS OPTICAL SENSORS PRESENTED ITSELF AS A PROBLEM. AS THE THIRD HOUR APPROACHED: A SHORTSTACKED POKERBOT STOPPED FOLDING & STARTED SHOVING: ONE POOR EGG TOOK THE BRUNT OF IT: DOUBLING theMachine 3 TIMES. //IT_IS_A_SKILL_GAME THAT RUN OF HANDS PROPELLED theMachine INTO THE TOP 50% OF THE FIELD. theMachine DOUBLED AGAIN WITH ACES BUT ALSO LOST BIG POTS IN A FLIP & TO A BADBEAT WHICH MEANT AS BOTH THE BUBBLE & DAY 2 LOOMED, theMachine HAD APPROXIMATELY 18BBs. THE DISORDERED FRENZY THAT HAD CHARACTERIZED THE EARLY GOING HAD CALMED & PLAYERS TIGHTENED UP. THIS WAS A SATISFACTORY STACK TO MAKE THE MONEY AS THERE WERE A NUMBER OF EXTREMELY SMALL STACKS DESTINED TO BUBBLE IMMINENTLY. theMachine PROCESSED THE SITUATION. IS FOLDING INTO THE MONEY CORRECT? theMachine HAD INVESTED LESS THAN €20 QUALIFYING FOR THIS TOURNAMENT, WHICH MADE BUBBLING ‘UNNECASSARILY’ PARTICULARLY UNAPPEALLING, HOWEVER, STRATEGICALLY IS THIS NOT EXACTLY WHEN A PLAYER SHOULD GO ON THE ATTACK? THERE WERE PLAYERS WHO COVERED theMachine AT THE TABLE & THERE WERE PLAYERS WITH LESS THAN 2 BBs. //BUILD_A_STACK? // LOCK_UP_THE_CASH? IF theMachine POSSESSED NERVES: THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN WRECKED. THIS WAS A PRACTICE RUN FOR THE €1100 UNIBET_OPEN: theMachine SIMULATED THE MORE EXTREME SCENARIO PLAY OUT IN WHAT WILL BE ITS BIGGEST EVER BUY-IN GAME. THE STARK DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A POTENTIAL €397.90 OR ZERO WAS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE: WHAT WILL THE EXPERIENCE BE IN 2 WEEKS TIME IF IT IS €2000 OR ZERO? CANNOT COMPUTE. 2 PLAYERS FROM THE MONEY, theMachine WAS DEALT TT UTG. FOLD? / CALL? / RAISE? / SHOVE? LIMPING IS WORST, RAISE FOLD IS NOT GOOD, MAY AS WELL GO ALL IN IF RAISE CALLING. BINARY OPTION: FOLD / ALL-IN? theMachine FOLDED. THE NEXT ORBIT theMachine WAS ONCE AGAIN DEALT POCKET TENS IN EARLY POSITION. AGAIN SIDING WITH CAUTION, theMachine FOLDED. theMachine MEEKLY FOLDED INTO THE MONEY & SHORTLY AFTER INTO DAY_2. DUE TO THE INEVITABLE PROLONGED BUBBLE STAGE COMBINED WITH LEVEL INCREASES: theMachine WOULD RETURN TO THE VIRTUAL FELT WITH JUST 10 BBs. HOWEVER, THIS WAS A SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS. FIRST EVER DAY 2 FOR theMachine WITH A SIZEABLE ALMOST BANKROLL DOUBLING PROFIT LOCKED UP. //DAY_2: POSITIONED 32/39 theMachine INITIATED DAY_2 WITH A PLAN. ALL-IN WITH UPTO TOP 41.5% OF RANGE DEPENDANT ON POSITION. OBSERVATIONS SUGGEST THIS WAS THE PLAN OF MANY PLAYERS AS ALL-INS AND KNOCKOUTS RAPIDLY OCCURRED. WITH PAYOUTS NOT SUBSTANTIALLY INCREASING UNTIL NEARING THE FINAL TABLE A FREE FOR ALL IN STACK BUILDING COMMENCED. theMachine COLLECTED A FEW BLINDS SHOVING UNCALLED / theMachine LOST A FEW BLINDS AS THE ORBITS WENT PAST. theMachine IS NOW REQUIRED TO RESCIND PREVIOUS ADVICE GIVEN CONCERNING CORRECT STRATEGY OF PLAYING POCKET JACKS: theMachine DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY THEM CORRECTLY. AS EVIDENCED HERE: theMachine HAS NO COMPLAINTS. FINISHING 31ST OUT OF 305 PLAYERS. NOT ONLY DID theMachine WIN €479.83 BUT HOPEFULLY ATTAINED THE EXPERIENCE theMachine SOUGHT AHEAD OF ITS BIGGEST EVER BUY-IN TOURNAMENT.

TICKET PLEASE!

THANK YOU HUMANS FOR THE SUPPORT: YOU WILL BE TREATED WELL DURING THE ROBOT UPRISING

THE 3BET ALL-IN IS A VERY "KILL PHIL" APPROACH TO TAKING ON A KNOWN PRO. theMachine PREFERS THIS APPROACH TO FLAT CALLING. DID NOT WORK OUT ON THIS OCCASION BUT IS SURELY CORRECT LINE TO TAKE

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST BIG BUY-IN TOURNAMENT theMachine HAS OBSERVED SOME... UNORTHODOX PLAYS IN THE EARLY STAGES. IS THIS ALWAYS THE CASE? IS THIS PART OF THE CURRENT LOCKDOWN POKER BOOM? SEEN IT HAPPENING MORE IN LOW BUY-IN GAMES RECENTLY OR ARE THESE BIG EVENTS ALL LIKE THIS?

QUITE THE CONTRAST IN BUY-INS & PRIZEPOOLS! ALAS, SIMILAR MISFORTUNE: COULD NOT BE AVOIDED HOW DID YOU FIND THE FIELDS/PLAY COMPARED?

//DAY_1: COMPLETED_IT_MATE 40 PLAYERS WILL RETURN TOMORROW, theMachine IS CURRENTLY 32nd, STARTING WITH A MEAGRE 10 BBs [bUT CANNOT COMPLAIN] APPARENTLY theMachine HAS ENACTED A "LIKES FLOOD" SO IS NOT PERMITTED TO LIKE ANY FURTHER COMMENTS TODAY HOWEVER YOUR RAILING & SUPPORT IS APPRECIATED

3 PLAYERS UNTIL THE BUBBLE BURSTS. theMachine HAS 17.4 BBs WHAT WILL HAPPEN FIRST? BUBBLE OR DAY 2?

A PLAYER CALLED LETSGO16 WOULD BE FULLY JUSTIFIED IN HATING theMachine... AS A RESULT, theMachine IS STILL GOING!

theMachine IS STILL FOLDING. JUST FOLDING. FOR HOURS.

PERHAPS @GR1ZZL3R REQUIRES A BIG WIN THE MOST: IF COVETING A TRIP TO NEWCASTLE IS ANY INDICATOR

ONLY 6 HOURS UNTIL THE FIRST EVER ONLINE LEG OF THE UNIBET UK TOUR! theMachine WILL BE COMPETING, ARE THERE OTHER COMMUNITY MEMBERS ATTEMPTING TO DERAIL theMachine? //IDENTIFY_YOURSELF:FOR TARGETING MONITORING... theHYPEmachine WILL ATTEMPT TO KEEP YOU UPDATED FROM THE VIRTUAL FELT: PLEASE CONTRIBUTE WITH YOUR OWN UPDATES WHAT SHOULD WE EXPECT FROM THE UK TOUR EVENT? NUMBERS? PRIZEPOOLS? AMBASSADORS? [WITH BOUNTIES?] HIGH GEORDIE RATIO?

MAY YOU EXPERIENCE POSITIVE VARIANCE

theMachine DID NOT CASH IN THE LOSER'S TOURNAMENT. DESPITE GETTING A SIZEABLE STACK ALL IN AS 80% FAVOURITE NEARING THE BUBBLE. DID NOT DESIRE TO WIN THE STUPID LOSER GAME. SCRUB THAT FROM THE RECORDS! theMachine INSTEAD DEMONSTRATED FOCUS, SKILL & INHUMAN LEVELS OF PATIENCE WITHIN THE FINAL UK TOUR FINAL SATELLITE: 50 COMPETITORS TOOK TO THE VIRTUAL FELT, WITH THE TOP 11 WINNING A SEAT IN THE FIRST EVER ONLINE LEG OF THE UK TOUR. //A_STRATEGY_ GUIDE_ON_THE_COMPLEX _SUBJECT_OF_JACKS: 1.0: WIN_FLIPS 2.1: DO_NOT_SUCCUMB_TO_ACE_RAG 2.2: DO_NOT_SUCCUMB_TO_ACE_RAG 3.0: AVENGE_ACE_RAG_VILLAINS_WITH_ACE_RAG AS DEMONSTRATED: theMachine MASTERFULLY NAVIGATED THE TOURNAMENT WITHOUT A MILLIGRAMME OF LUCK, UNTIL THE BUBBLE LOOMED: WOULD UNIBET AMBASSADOR DAVID.K.LAPPIN DO THE NOBLE ACT OF SACRIFICING HIMSELF ON THE BUBBLE? AFFIRMATIVE.

//THE_RESULTS_OF_THE_PRECEEDING_10_DAYS_OF_PLAY_HAVE_BEEN_MIXED: FLUSH WITH AN INFLATED BANKROLL theMachine HIT THE CASH GAMES: SUBSEQUENTLY theMachine HAS EARNED ENTRY INTO THE WEEKLY ‘DOUBLE TROUBLE’ TOURNAMENT. A TOURNAMENT FOR LOSERS. theMachine EARNED A PLACE BY LOSING THREE BUYINS AT PLO25. THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT NONSENSE. MORE SUCCESS HAS BEEN DERIVED FROM TOURNAMENTS & SATELITES ONCE MORE: UTILISING ONE €5 TICKET: theMachine WON A €50 UOS TICKET. UTILISING ONE €5 TICKET: theMachine WON A €50 UK TOUR TICKET. HAVING LOST €75 AT THE CASH GAMES, theMachine COULD HAVE SIMPLY SAVED TIME & EFFORT BY BUYING INTO THESE DIRECTLY…

//LEARNING_WITH_theMachine: LOOK AT THIS HAND: SO CALLED "AMBASSADOR" IAN SIMPSON OPENLY STEALING theMachine's SMALL BLIND. THE AUDACITY. NOT JUST THIS ONE THOUGH, EVERY BLIND, EVERY ORBIT. STOLEN ON STREAM. OUTRAGEOUS. LEARN WITH theMachine: IF IAN SIMPSON IS ON YOUR LEFT: 3.5 x'ING YOU FROM THE BIG BLIND: YOU RERAISE ALL IN & OBSERVE WHAT HIGH PITCH SQUEEL THE BLIND STEALER MAKES THEN!

//PROGRESS_REPORT: theMachine HAS EXPERIENCED CONTINUED SUCCESS IN PART DUE TO GAME SELECTION: //BESTIE'S_HOME_GAME: theMachine PREVIOUSLY HYPOTHESIZED THIS TOURNAMENT COULD OFFER INSIGHT TO A TALENTED POOL OF PLAYER'S LIKELY TO PARTICIPATE IN THE UNIBET_OPEN. IT IS POSSIBLE TO DRAW ONE OF TWO CONCLUSIONS FROM THE FIRST THREE TOURNAMENTS theMachine HAS PLAYED: theMachine IS SUDDENLY MASTERING THE GAME OF TEXAS HOLD'EM & IS SET TO SMASH THE UNIBET_OPEN_ONLINE[DESPITE THE REGULAR APPEARANCE OF UNIBET AMBASSADORS AMONGST THE FIELD] THE FIELD IS IN FACT: VERY SOFT TO DATE: theMachine HAS COMPETED THREE TIMES, FINAL TABLED THE 60+ FIELDS THREE TIMES, CASHING FOR A TOTAL OF €353.78 LESS SUCCESS HAS BEEN FOUND IN THE €5 SATELLITES, theMachine HAS TOTALLED €70 OF BUYINS TO PLAY THESE EVENTS, RENDERING THE SATELLITE ROUTE ALMOST REDUNDANT. //OMAHA_SHOOTING_STAR_BOUNTY: THE GREAT GAME OF POT LIMIT OMAHA IS PREFERRED MODE OF PLAY FOR theMachine. PLAYING FIVE TOURNAMENTS TO DATE, CASHING IN THREE FOR A TOTAL OF €95.75 [MINUS €50 OF BONUS TICKET DIRECT BUYINS] ANOTHER TOURNAMENT WITH A CONSISTENTLY SOFT FIELD, theMachine SIMPLY PEDDLES THE NUTS LIKE A NIT. //TITAN: theMachine PLAYED THIS €10 TOURNAMENT ONCE. WON'T BE DOING THAT AGAIN. STUPID GAME. //MISCELLANEOUS_SATELLITES: theMachine HAS USED A FURTHER 2000 BONUS POINTS ON VARIOUS SATELLITES WITH NO RETURN. WHILE MTT PERFORMANCE HAS EXCELLED, RESULTS IN SATELLITES HAS BEEN POOR. IS ONE SUCCESSFUL METHOD OF PLAY EXCLUSIVE OF THE OTHER? //RESULTS: BONUS POINTS USED: 15000 EUROS WON: €446.15 CONVERSION RATE: 2.974333 x VALUE MAINTAINING SUCH A BONUS TO REAL MONEY CONVERSION RATE WOULD BE A SUCCESSFUL OUTCOME.

HUMANS ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED OUT TO PLAY OR WATCH THEIR FAVOURITE GAMES. NOW THEY MUST PLAY POKER.