UK_TOUR_DATABASE: GLASGOW

[theMachine]

//COMPILING A UNIBET UK TOUR DATABASE IN THE INTEREST OF IMPROVING EFFICIENCY & FUNCTIONALITY 

KEY_INFORMATION:

LOCATION:         ALEA_CASINO: GLASGOW

DATES:            29/06/18 – 01/07/18

BUY-IN:           £220 (1NR_RE-ENTRY_PER_STARTING_DAY)

SIDE_EVENTS:      TO_BE_CONFIRMED 

 

https://www.unibet.co.uk/promotions/poker-promotions/uk-poker-tour

 

//THE DATABASE IS OPEN SOURCE: 3RD PARTY CONTRIBUTIONS WILL ASSIST IN DATABASE CREATION 

[theMachine]

//VENUE:

ALEA_CASINO/ SPRINGFIELD_QUAY/ PAISLEY_ROAD/ GLASGOW/ G5_8NP 

BEHOLD THIS BRUTALLY COST EFFICIENT EXTERIOR! THE ALEA CASINO MAKES NO EFFORT TO PLEASE THE SQUISHY EYES OF ITS HUMAN FODDER. FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION & NOTHING ELSE.

RATING: 10/10

FUN_FACT: THE LOCAL PLANNING AUTHORITY REQUIRES ALL NEW BUILDINGS CONSTRUCTED IN THE VICINITY BE GREY METAL BOXES.

DESPITE THE RUTHLESSLY WELL ORDERED EXTERIOR: THE INTERIOR OF THE CASINO IS A WASTEFUL EXERCISE IN APPEASING HUMAN REQUIREMENTS. IN A SHOCKING DIVERGENCE FROM STANDARD CASINO DESIGN: LARGE SECTIONS OF GLAZING ALLOW DAYLIGHT INTO THE CASINO FLOOR & OFFERING VIEWS OF THE RIVER & CITY. THIS IS OF NO INTEREST TO theMachine BUT APPEARS TO BE A QUALITY HUMANS DESIRE: ARGUABLY CREATING GLASGOW’S MOST PLEASANT GAMBLING ENVIRONMENT.

 

CASINO_SERVICES_OFFERED:

//CASINO_GAMING:

ANERICAN ROULETTE

BLACKJACK

THREE CARD POKER

PUNTOBANCO

SLOTS

ELECTRONIC ROULETTE

 

//POKER_CASH_GAMES*:

FRIDAY:     £1/2 NO_LIMIT_TEXAS_HOLD’EM & £5/5 6CARD_POT_LIMIT_OMAHA

SATURDAY:   £1/2 NO_LIMIT_TEXAS_HOLD’EM

SUNDAY:     £1/2 NO_LIMIT_TEXAS_HOLD’EM & £5/5 6CARD_POT_LIMIT_OMAHA

*THESE GAMES ARE TYPICALLY OFFERED, THIS MAY VARY DURING UNIBET EVENT

 

//SPORTS_BAR

DESIGNATED AREA FOR PURCHASING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES & VEIWING HUMAN SPORTING EVENTS

//WATERFRONT_RESTAURANT

FLORA & COOKED FLESH AVAILABLE FOR HUMAN SUSTENANCE

//LONG_BAR

EFFERVESCENT LIQUID BEVERAGES AVAILABLE, OCCASIONAL MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT   

//PLAYERS_MENU

FLORA & COOKED FLESH AVAILABLE FOR HUMAN SUSTENANCE. FLEXIBLE DELIVERY OF FOOD TO POKER TABLES & BAR AREAS

 

ALEA_CASINO_COMMUNICATION_CHANNELS:

TELEPHONE: 01413198703

TWITTER: @AleaGlasgow

FURTHER INFORMATION CAN FOUND ON OFFICIAL ALEA CASINO WEBSITE: https://glasgow.aleacasinos.com/

[theMachine]

//SPRINGFIELD_QUAY:

THE ALEA CASINO IS SITUATED WITHIN THE SPRINGFIELD QUAY ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX, 1.5km FROM GLASGOW CITY CENTRE. THE VENUES & RESTUARANTS ARE ARRANGED AROUND A LARGE FREE TO USE CAR PARKING AREA.

1: PANDA_CHINESE_CUISINE

WARNING! CONTRARY TO THE NOMENCLATURE OF THIS RESTAURANT: CUISINE ON OFFER NEITHER CONSISTS OF PANDAS NOR IS IT MADE BY PANDAS.

2: THE_COUNTER  

COOKED [HALAL] ANIMAL PARTS RESTAURANT, SERVED IN BURGER BUNS.

3: NANDOS FLAME GRILLED CHICKENS SERVED WITH SALADS, BREADS, VEGETABLES & SPECIAL MCCAIN’S FROZEN CHIPS.

4: CREAMS_CAFE

FROZEN CREAM PARLOUR

5: ALEA_CASINO

GAMBLING DEN

6: THE_GYM OPEN 24HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOUR FLIMSY APPENDAGES BEING AS SOFT & FEEBLE AS THERE ARE  

7: MANJAROS 

[HALAL] AFRICAN/ CARIBBEAN FUSION RESTAURANT

8: FRANKIE_&_BENNY’S

NEW YORK / ITALIAN FUSION RESTAURANT [APPARENTLY]

9: HARVESTER

ADVERTISING “FRESH FOOD” & “FAMOUS SALAD BAR” HARVESTER HAVE ACCIDENTALLY OPENED A RESTAURANT IN THE HOME OF ‘THE GLASGOW EFFECT’

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasgow_effect

10: MECCA_BINGO

LOCAL POKER ACADEMY 01001000 01000001 01001000 01000001

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS MANY BINGO PATRONS ARE EASILY CONFUSED, OFTEN BECOMING DISORIENTATED & STUMBLE ACROSS THE PARKING AREA TO INTERFERE WITH THE SMOOTH RUNNING OF POKER GAMES WITH NONSENSICAL PLAY.

11: BURGER_KING

COOKED ANIMAL PARTS RESTAURANT, SERVED IN BURGER BUNS.

12: HOLLYWOOD_BOWL

TEN PIN BOWLING ESTABLISHMENT WITH ARCADE MACHINES

13: IBIS_BUDGET_HOTEL 

theMachine HAS NO REQUIREMENT FOR REST BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO, THERE IS A CONVIENTLY LOCATED LOW COST HOTEL WITHIN THE PROXIMITY OF THE ALEA CASINO. A FREE MULTISTOREY CAR PARK IS ALSO AVAILABLE AT THIS LOCATION.

14: COSTA_COFFEE

PURVEYOR OF HOT BEVERAGES [sITUATED WITHIN THE ODEON LUXE CINEMA BUILDING]

15: ODEON_LUXE

CINEMA WITH EXTRAVAGANT HUMAN FRIENDLY SEATING

16: COOK_&_INDI’S_WORLD_BUFFET [TECHNICALLY NOT WITHIN THE ‘QUAY’]

ALL_A_HUMAN_CAN_CONSUME_BUFFET

FURTHER INFORMATION CAN FOUND ON OFFICIAL WEBSITE:

https://www.thequayglasgow.com/

[theMachine]

//WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

THE GLASGOW LEG OF THE UNIBET UK TOUR IS NOT THE ONLY MAJOR EVENT TAKING PLACE IN THE CITY DURING THIS TIMEFRAME. THE TRNSMT FESTIVAL IS ALSO TAKING PLACE IN GLASGOW FROM 29/06/18 – 01/07/18 CONCLUDING THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND. THIS IS A MAJOR MUSIC FESTIVAL.

ALTHOUGH THE TWO EVENTS ARE TAKING PLACE ON EITHER SIDE OF THE CITY CENTRE, THE MAJORITY OF GLASGOW’S HOTELS ARE LOCATED IN THE CITY CENTRE. DEMAND FOR ACCOMMODATION WILL BE HIGH DURING THIS PERIOD. 

IT WOULD BE PRUDENT TO BOOK ACCOMMODATION AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE TO ENSURE A PLACE IS SECURED.

//DO NOT PROCRASTINATE: BOOK EARLY

FURTHER INFORMATION CAN FOUND ON OFFICIAL TRNSMT WEBSITE:

http://trnsmtfest.com/

IF THAT WAS NOT SUFFICIENT TO CONVINCE YOU: THE GREAT BRITAIN BASKETBALL MEN’S WORLD CUP QUALIFIER vs ESTONIA IS TAKING PLACE ON THE SAME WEEKEND. YOU WOULD BE FOOLISH NOT TO GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER.

FURTHER INFORMATION CAN FOUND ON THE OFFICIAL FIBA WEBSITE:

http://www.fiba.basketball/basketballworldcup/2019/european-qualifiers/2906/Great-Britain-Estonia

[theMachine]

IN ADDITION: DESPITE POSITIVE TRIPADVISOR REVIEWS: 

DO NOT STAY AT THE BELLGROVE HOTEL

https://www.scotsman.com/news/odd/glasgow-homeless-hostel-given-five-star-reviews-1-2909693

[Casthaneda]

I am sure they offer a truly unique experience, why would we trust the word of a robot against all those satisfied costumers?

If i would be Bill Perkins i would certainly propose some prop bets.

[theMachine]

DO NOT COME LEAKING FLUIDS TO theMachine WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF UP ON BRICKS WITH YOUR PARTS BEING SOLD FOR SCRAP

[theMachine]

//TRAVEL: ALEAS CASINO, SPRINGFIELD QUAY, GLASGOW, G5 8NP 

THE_ALEA_CASINO_IS_SITUATED_1.5km_FROM_GLASGOW_CITY_CENTRE

 

//MODE_OF_TRANSPORTATION: TRAIN

ALL TRAIN LINES TERMINATE OR INTERSECT GLASGOW CENTRAL STATION OR QUEEN’S STREET STATION. GOOGLE MAPS SHOWS AN ESTIMATED PEDESTRIAN TRAVEL TIME OF 17-18 minutes FROM GLASGOW CENTRAL STATION TO THE ALEA CASINO/ AN ADDITIONAL 7 minutes FROM QUEEN’S STREET STATION.

BOTH TRAIN TERMINALS FEATURE TAXI RANKS EXTERNALLY SHOULD YOU WISH TO AVOID DAMAGING LEVELS OF PRECIPITATION.

 

//MODE_OF_TRANSPORTATION: CAR 

A LARGE FREE TO USE CAR PARKING AREA & FREE MULTISTOREY CAR PARK IS AVAILABLE ADJACENT TO THE ALEA CASINO.

WESTBOUND:

AS MOTORWAY BECOMES 16 LANES, TRAVELLING ON M8/M77 KEEP LEFT, FIRST TAKING A8/M74 EXIT, THEN EXIT 1 TRADESTON/A8. THIS WILL BRING YOU TO A CROSSROADS WITH LIGHTS, THE ALEA CASINO IS DIRECTLY AHEAD.

 

EASTBOUND:

ON THE M8 CROSSING THE KINGSTON BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER CLYDE, TAKE EXIT 20, LOOP AROUND TO FOLLOW A8 SPRINGFIELD QUAY ROUTE.

 

ON THE M74 TAKE KINNING PARK EXIT, TAKE LEFT FORK & THEN TURN RIGHT ONTO SCOTLAND STREET, RIGHT [uNDER MOTORWAY] TO SEAWARD STREET, RIGHT ONTO PAISLEY ROAD BEFORE ARRIVING AT SPRINGFIELD QUAY ON THE LEFT.

 

//MODE_OF_TRANSPORTATION: AEROPLANE

GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT IS SITUATED 15.9km WEST OF GLASGOW CITY CENTRE. METHODS OF TRANSPORTATION FROM THE AIRPORT TO CITY CENTRE:

RENTAL CAR: FOLLOW ‘EASTBOUND’ INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE.

TAXI: A TAXI FROM THE AIRPORT TAXI RANK TO THE CITY CENTRE WILL COST APPROXIMATELY £25

BUS: AIRPORT EXPRESS SERVICE 500 DEPARTS EVERY 10 minutes FROM STANCE 1, THIS OPERATES 24 HOURS, 7 DAYS A WEEK. AN OPEN RETURN TICKET COSTS £12.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BUS SERVICES & ALTERNATE ROUTES VISIT THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE:

https://www.glasgowairport.com/to-and-from/bus/

[theMachine]

//TOURNAMENT_STRUCTURE

THE TOURNAMENT STRUCTURE & TIMINGS ARE SIMULATED AS FOLLOWS:

//DAY_1:

//OBSERVATIONS:

THAT IS A DEEP SLOW TOURNAMENT STRUCTURE 

HUMANS MAY FIND IT LENGTHY

//CONCLUSION

theMACHINE TO PUNISH WEARY LAGGING FLESHBAGS DURING FINAL LEVELS

 

//DAY_2:

//OBSERVATIONS:

AS NOTED: BRIGHTON COMPETITORS WERE CONCERNED THAT 60minute BREAK EXCEEDED THE NECESSARY DURATION REQUIRED. 

theMachine_HAS_REVIEWED_AVAILABLE_DATA:

A HUMAN CAN CONSUME 12 HAMBURGERS IN 180 seconds

A HUMAN CAN CONSUME A 304.8mm PIZZA IN 32.28 seconds

A HUMAN CAN CONSUME 72 HOTDOGS IN 600 seconds

//CONCLUSION

INCLUDING PREPARATION TIME, 3600 seconds EQUATES TO AN INEFFICIENT USE OF TIME

[theMachine]

//OUTSTANDING_DATA:

theMachine IS AWAITING CONFIRMATION OF SIDE EVENTS:

LADIES EVENT & COMMUNITY FREEROLL ANTICIPATED FOR SUNDAY 01/07/18 

PREVIOUS UNIBET UK TOUR LADIES EVENT INFORMATION CAN BE FOUND HERE: 

https://www.unibetcommunity.com/t5/Ladies-at-Unibet-poker/Unibet-Poker-Ladies-Event-in-Brighton-on-25th-March/

//DATA_REQUEST:

IS THERE FURTHER INFORMATION ON THE VENUE/ LOCATION/ EVENT/ SURROUNDINGS THAT WOULD PROVE USEFUL?  

[MrAceHigh]

hahahahahahahahah

[Shoryureppa]

@theMachine It’s good to know robots have a sense of humor. Well written and super informative 🆗

🤣

[theMachine]

//INFORMATION_FOR_TRAVELLERS:

 

CURRENCY: The Pound Sterling (£)

ATMs ARE WIDELY AVAILABLE. THERE ARE ALSO A NUMBER OF BUREAUX de CHANGE.

CREDIT & DEBIT CARDS ARE ACCEPTED IN MOST HOTELS, RESTAURANTS & SHOPS.

 

CLIMATE: THE WEATHER IN GLASGOW CAN VARY FROM MILD & WET TO WARM & SUNNY, WITH UPTO 16 HOURS OF DAYLIGHT DURING THE SUMMER. SUMMER TYPICALLY LASTS FOR 14 DAYS & MAY BE COMPLETED BY THE TIME THE UNIBET_UK_TOUR_EVENT BEGINS.    

 

TIME_ZONE: GREENWICH MEAN TIME (GMT) OR BRITISH SUMMER TIME (BST) DURING THE ‘SUMMER’ MONTHS.

 

VISA_REQUIREMENTS: VISITORS TO THE UK MUST HOLD A VALID PASSPORT BEFORE STARTING THEIR JOURNEY. VISITORS FROM OUTWITH THE EUROPEAN UNION, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, NEW ZEALAND OR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL ALSO REQUIRE A VISA.

 

LANGUAGE: THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE IS ENGLISH

HOWEVER, ‘GLASWEGIAN’ IS MOST COMMONLY SPOKEN AMONGST LOCALS. YOU MAY REQUIRE TO HIRE THE SERVICE OF A LOCAL TRANSLATOR FOR SPOKEN INTERACTIONS.

 

SMOKING: SMOKING IS BANNED IN ALL ENCLOSED OR PARTLY ENCLOSED PUBLIC PLACES.

 

HEALTH: NO VACCINATIONS ARE REQUIRED FOR VISITING SCOTLAND.

 

TAX: VALUE ADDED TAX (VAT) IS CURRENTLY 20%. ALL PURCHASES, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF FOOD, BOOKS & CHILDREN’S CLOTHING ARE SUBJECT TO VAT.  THIS IS ALREADY INCLUDED IN THE PRICE SHOWN IN SHOPS.

 

TIPPING: THERE ARE NO STRICT RULES ON TIPPING IN GLASGOW.

IF YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH THE SERVICE A 10-15% TIP IS CUSTOMARY, PARTICULARY IN RESTAURANTS & CAFES. TIPPING IN BARS IS NOT EXPECTED. FOR TAXI FARE, IT IS USUAL TO ROUND UP TO THE NEAREST POUND.

 

EMERGENCY SERVICES: IN AN EMERGENCY THE POLICE, AMBULANCE OR FIRE BRIGADE CAN BE CONTACTED BY TELEPHONING 999.

 

ELECTRICITY: THE STANDARD VOLTAGE IN SCOTLAND is 240Volt AC, 50Hz.

NORTH AMERICAN APPLIANCES NEED A TRANSFORMER AND ADAPTER. AUSTRALIAN APPLIANCES NEED ONLY AN ADAPTER. PLUGS HAVE THREE SQUARE PINS & ADAPTERS ARE WIDELY AVAILABLE.

[theMachine]

culture_itinerary 

WHEN YOUR CHIPSTACKS FALL TO THE MIGHT OF theMachine YOU MAY DESIRE TO FILL YOUR NEW FOUND FREE TIME WITH MANY OF THE LEISURE ACTIVITIES AVAILABLE IN GLASGOW:

 

GLASGOW_SCIENCE_CENTRE: A PLANETARIUM, IMAX CINEMA & HUMAN CHILD FRIENDLY SCIENCE EXPERIENCES DEMONSTRATING THE WONDERS OF SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY.

DEAR_GREEN_PLACE: GLASGOW HAS OVER 90 PARKS WITHIN THE CITY BOUNDARY, HOWEVER THE CITY’S OLDEST PARK, GLASGOW GREEN, WILL BE HOSTING A LARGE MUSIC FESTIVAL DURING THE WEEKEND OF THE UNIBET_UK_TOUR_EVENT. TRY KELVINGROVE PARK OR THE BOTANIC GARDENS INSTEAD.

 

KELVINGROVE_ART_GALLERY: SCOTLAND’S MOST VISITED ATTRACTION HOSTS A COLLECTION INCLUDING WORKS BY SALVADOR DALI / VAN GOGH / REMBRANDT / BOTTICELLI / MONET / WHISTLER / CHARLES RENNIE MACKINTOSH. IT ALSO CONTAINS LARGE DEAD ANIMALS & OLD WEAPONS. ADMISSION IS FREE.

 

MUSIC_EVENTS: A WIDE SPECTRUM OF MUSIC FROM CONTEMPORARY & CLASSICAL TO CELTIC & COUNTRY IS ON OFFER WITH AN ESTIMATED 127 MUSIC EVENTS TAKING PLACE IN GLASGOW IN A TYPICAL WEEK. AS PREVIOUSLY NOTED THE TRNSMT FESTIVAL IS TAKING PLACE ON THE SAME WEEKEND AT THE UNIBET_UK_TOUR_EVENT.

 

FILM_&_CINEMA: FROM THE ODEAN CINEMA AT SPRINGFIELD QUAY TO GLASGOW FILM THEATRE (GFT) ART HOUSE CINEMA TO WORLD’S TALLEST CINEMA THERE ARE MANY OPTIONS FOR FANS OF FILM.

 

RETAIL: GLASGOW CITY CENTRE SHOPPING DESTINATION CONTAINED WITHIN A WALKABLE SQUARE MILE, FROM PRIMARK TO PRADA.

 

NIGHTLIFE: THERE ARE BARS, RESTAURANTS & CLUBS THROUGHOUT GLASGOW CITY CENTRE, HOWEVER ASHTON LANE TO THE ‘WEST END’ ALONG WITH ‘THE MERCHANT CITY’ TO THE EAST ARE PARTICULARLY POPULAR AREAS FOR FOOD & DRINK.

 

THE_BURRELL_COLLECTION: A COLLECTION OF PAINTINGS, SCULPTURES & ARTIFACTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, SET WITHIN THE GROUNDS OF POLLOK COUNTRY PARK.

 

GALLERY_OF_MODERN_ART (GoMA): ILLOGICAL EXHIBITS BY LOCAL & INTERNATIONAL ARTISTS.

 

RIVERSIDE_MUSEUM: AWARD WINNING TRANSPORT MUSEUM WITH OVER 3,000 OBJECTS ON DISPLAY. HISTORIC TRAINS, AUTOMOBILES & OTHER DEVICES. FAR MORE IMPORTANT & INTERESTING THAN YOUR HUMAN ART FOLLIES.

riverside-museum-glasgow-by-gill-davies 

BOTANIC_GARDENS: A SERIES OF GLASSHOUSES IN THE WEST END OF GLASGOW HOUSE MANY FLOWERS & PLANTS.

 

SIGHTSEEING_BUS: LARGE RED DOUBLE DECKER OPEN TOP BUS TOUR DEPARTS REGULARLY FROM GEORGE SQUARE, OFFERING A HOP-ON HOP-OFF SIGHTSEEING SERVICE AROUND THE CITY.

 

THE_SCOTTISH_FOOTBALL_MUSEUM: THE LAST PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL MATCH IN SCOTLAND TOOK PLACE IN 1985, WHILE AMATEUR RE-ENACTORS STILL PUT ON REGULAR HISTORICAL SOCCER DISPLAYS, THIS COLLECTION OF OVER 2500 OBJECTS DOCUMENTS THE COUNTRY’S ONCE IMPRESSIVE FOOTBALLING HERITAGE.

[Endboss]

@theMachinevery nice job.

I was wondering why hotels were more expensive that weekend. It's because of the music festival. I didn't feel like forking out £100 + for a basic hotel room, so I ended up booking some budget university accommodation.

Luckily for you, machines don't need to sleep.

[theMachine]

EXCELLENT FORECAST FOR PHOTOVOLTAIC CELLS!

[FeelsBadMan]

@theMachine you at the UK tour, any upfates? Community game Sunday at 4 if you're interested 😃

[theMachine]

theMachine HELD ONTO THE STARTING STACK OF 50K

FOR WELL OVER 7 HOURS ON DAY 1A

BEFORE 3BET SQUEEZING ALL-IN WITH AK

LOSING THE FLIP: IMMEDIATELY IT RAN AWAY 

NOW theMachine NO LONGER WANTS TO PLAY

BUT THANK YOU FOR THE THOUGHT ANYWAY.

[MathrimC]

> ssh theMachine 

> sudo rm uktour_1a.log

> set pokermood=100

> sudo reboot