Never Let the Fear of Striking Out Prevent You from Playing the Game.

[GR1ZZL3R]

   I've been meaning to start a proper poker blog for quite some time now, probably since I found this community, nearly five years ago, and started reading through all the blogs. Some good, some bad, some very hard to categorise, and some basically indescribable. I'm in no way saying I can do a better job, but I've been I've been flopping about in the micros for years, studying a bit here and there but never really coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably a losing player, I truly don't know. Nathan Williams, Black Rain 79 who I've followed more or less from the start, keeps insisting that micro stakes is an absolute circus and contains some of the worst players in the world. Someone else suggested that any one that isn't actually brain dead should be able to make money at micro stakes. I'm not disagreeing wholly with either but have pointed out that some people, some of them far more intelligent than I, simply don't "get" poker. They think they're unlucky, that variance can even out over a couple of sessions, they're unlucky, that others are luckier, the stakes are irrelevant so no one plays "properly", they're unlucky, the rake is unbeatable, they're unlucky, the games are even rigged, or they're simply unlucky. And just to get it out of the way before we go any further and have a clear understanding, I don't believe any of these excuses except it's a fact that I'm unlucky. 

   But how to go about writing about something that I'm not very good at? According to Nathan Englander the most misunderstood piece of advice ever is "Write about what you know."  Apparently, to paraphrase, "It's about emotions. Have you known love? jealousy? longing? loss? Did you want that final table in the €200 Deepstack Turbo so badly you might have killed for it?" The answers are Yes Yes Yes Yes and Quite Possibly! I've definitely gone through these emotions at the poker table, and more, so rather than just list all the stats and hand histories and tactics, which are very capably covered elsewhere (though I will touch on some of that) I want to catalogue the journey through the micro stakes on a more personal level. 

   Why now? Well I had a great finish to last year, probably doubling the gains in the last few weeks that I've made in the previous five years. I'm rolled for betting small stakes in the Fun Punter blog, and having 75,000 BPs means I'm probably rolled for some poker, so I'm going into the 5-10c streets. That's not because I'm desperate to leave the lowest level available, it's more probably to do with time. I'm not a full time grinder or any sort of grinder really, I've bought a €100 ticket for 5-10c which needs 3,000 flops to cash in. My previous record with tickets is not great, and at the normal rate a ticket like this could be expected to take weeks or even months to complete, unless of course I go on a mad tilt downer, not beyond the realms of possibility, and lose it all quite quickly. I want to play more but sometimes find it hard to stay motivated, especially when losing, so feel now it's a good time to throw off the shackles and play as much as I can bear, so negotiating the red mist or black clouds may become vital. 

DAY ONE

   I did actually start the other day, it did not go well. I didn't lose, in fact I played one table and doubled my stack in about twenty minutes.  

 

The tactics and how I played my hand, whether correctly or not, are largely irrelevant here. It was only because I wanted to check how much I'd had to top up so far that I checked my ticket and realised I hadn't used it. I'd been so keen to get started that I just did the usual clicking, not even noticing I was on the 2-4c and using cash and not a ticket. I ended that session immediately, looking back I don't know why, except to say I felt pretty stupid. That's emotion number 1 out of the way. 

THE REAL DAY ONE

   A reasonable session, but I got interrupted and couldn't be bothered restarting. One hour played, 226 hands, and 49.40 BBs ahead, no temper tantrums or feelings of ecstasy despite losing a buy in with KK, getting half of it back with QQ and forging ahead with a cooler, JJ.

The real grind (or not) starts tomorrow. 

[GLENGYLE]

good luck with your blog and your grind m8, I was thinking of doing one on SNGs and trying to do 100K hands per month but if i spent time doing a blog I would never achieve my targets 🤣

[SShcherbyna]

Just do it! 🏆

Nike, pay me please!

[Irishrover]

Thoroughly enjoyed reading through your "fun punter" blog.. looking forward  to more of the same here 🙂 GlGl

[SShcherbyna]

1 hour ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

Someone else suggested that any one that isn't actually brain dead should be able to make money at micro stakes.

I once asked my friend for help to climb the limits. At that time I was playing ABI $5 MTT on stars and was trying to get to ABI $10 level. To which my friend replied that to ABI $50 level it is just enough to know the rules of poker 🙂
He himself played in those days with an ABI of $100+.
In 2021, I played about 1000 tournaments for $1-2 dollar and about 800 for $10-20 dollars at GG. After analyzing the hand statistics, I came to the conclusion that the game is almost the same at these limits. Indicators of BB/100, Chips/100, ROI were also almost the same. But every $15 tournament failure hit me so hard that it was hard for me to start a new tournament. While in tournaments for $1-5 I can generally not pay attention to the cashier for several days.
Conclusion: Limits are in our head. It's just psychologically difficult for me to play tournaments where an evening session can cost more than the average salary in my country.
I work in programs, count hands in a calculator, follow the streams of good players. And then I quickly withdraw money as soon as the bankroll becomes larger than necessary for microlimits. Microlimits in the head. To rise higher, you need to work on yourself and not only on the game.

@GR1ZZL3R, sorry for so many words. This post is more suitable for a personal blog, but what you described is also a topic close to me, so I reflected here.

[GR1ZZL3R]

I don't mind all the discussion at al @SShcherbyna that's more or less the whole point of this blog, charting the journey rather than the stats and hands and such, any feedback is welcome. Some coaches definitely consider €0.25-€0.50 as micro, some even €0.50-€1.00 as low, it is indeed all in the mind. There might be small differences from one level to another but not huge differences until climbing higher. My mental game is definitely my weakest feature, this blog hopefully will go some way to smoothing the path. 

[MaxSang]

Best of luck! See you tomorrow

[fish8one]

Quote

 Someone else suggested that any one that isn't actually brain dead should be able to make money at micro stakes

 

[Rushbie]

The title says it all.

If you never get out of your comfort zone, you'll never learn anything what's beyond it.

GL, @GR1ZZL3R. Life is short.

Make it count, in emotions at least 

Edited January 10, 2023 by Rushbie

[GR1ZZL3R]

   I'm going to get some thoughts out of the way before going any further. I've said once or twice that I don't really know whether I'm a winning player or not, being totally honest I've long suspected I'm a loser overall. This was partly confirmed this morning when I had a live chat session with Sky, the first poker site I ever opened. A very helpful assistant provided me with the info that overall I've deposited £991.16 more than I've withdrawn, over slightly less than 16 years, a net loss of about £62 per year, certainly not disastrous (my excuse is I haven't quite got on the right side of variance yet, it can take a long time to settle.) I haven't chased up stats on 888 or PS as I was never fully committed to either, but there would have been definite losses incurred.  This is offset by the nearly £2,000 I'm ahead on UB over the 5 years since I moved here (smart move) but some of that is down to gambling, casino and maybe other factors. The general impression is that it's quite difficult to keep track of these things, not knowing at the time this sort of info might be interesting to look back on. 

   Anyway, that's not really the whole point, this journey is only partly about the playing side but also on the emotional side, why do I keep coming back to a card game that can bring forth such strong emotions, often in the same session, even from hand to hand.

 

 

    

 

      I don't want to get too airy fairy about it all, it's far too complicated for a poker blog, and I'll probably end up wandering down far too many rabbit holes anyway, so I'll try to stick to the basics of how and why. 

    Anyway, my first hand of "proper" poker was about 16 years ago, I don't remember any details about it except I hadn't really checked the site out, I was far too keen to get on there and make some money, everything went in a too fast to follow blur, (15 secs to act, still the same to this day) and don't know if I won or lost, I'll take an educated stab and say lost. I actually remember far better the first time I played poker, on holiday with my dad and uncle when I was about 11 or 12. I didn't know at the time what it was called (five card draw) but clearly remember getting dealt three fours, drawing two cards and getting another four. Happy days, easy game, time to make loads of money. I bet, probably tuppence, and both my dad and uncle folded. Pair of nits. I told you I was unlucky!

   The challenge today is to stay warm, the central heating's on the blink but an engineer's due in the next hour.  🥶

 

[GLENGYLE]

ive always used an XL spreadsheet well for the last 12 years anyway.

every game, every stake, I enter the info into my spreadsheet.

I total it all, try to hit my targets up till the end of the year then restart again

 

i got a new boiler last year what a difference it has made to my heating compared to my old 20 year old boiler 🤪

[GR1ZZL3R]

   The €50 Banzai ticket has been well and truly retired, €3.40 going onto my balance. It feels like I cannot win all ins no matter the situation, I have a pair against two or even one over card and lose. I have over cards against a pair and lose. I know losing 52>48 or 48<52 situations can happen a few times in a row but it still hurts when it does.  Then losing as 82% favourite, then as 87% favourite and despair and despondency begin to creep in. I can't make myself go over the hands I've lost during the last couple of days, if I do what am I going to do with the results? If I see that I'm losing at the normal rate then I'm a victim of cognitive bias, if I am indeed losing more than my fair share then I'm going to think I'm unlucky, or even worse, a victim of the "R" word, so not wanting to appear as a victim I'll put it down to variance and move on.

   So moving on it's back to the 5-10c streets. I wasn't sure whether to play straight away after such a bad session, but being scared or even just worried about what is going to happen in the next few hundred hands can't be a good mindset to have when starting to play. Two tables for just short of two hours, only a few all ins, some won some lost, and it seemed like a leisurely walk in the park. Even the  loss of a few € hasn't upset me, the ticket remains in the black, so no great damage done. Maybe tomorrow is my day!

[SShcherbyna]

1 hour ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

The €50 Banzai ticket has been well and truly retired

€25 Banzai ticket

1 hour ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

€3.40 going onto my balance

€4.87

1 hour ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

It feels like I cannot win all ins no matter the situation

[GR1ZZL3R]

 Sometimes you just have to get back in to prove, if only to yourself, that you haven't completely lost it. Having an hour spare, though not necessarily wanting to play for an hour, I opted for Banzai. I made a stupid call the first hand against a big stack, lost it, managed to calm down and win the 5th hand. From then on it was a breeze.

 

    Forty two minutes of play, only up to orange belt so not that many all ins, only lasting as Sensei for two hands but it was enough. 

 

Edited January 13, 2023 by GR1ZZL3R

[GR1ZZL3R]

   So back to the more mundane business of small stakes cash games. 

   I've had the ticket for ten days and played a massive 810 hands, this is not going to be a get rich quick scheme, not even a get rich slowly scheme, and at 5-10c not even a get rich scheme.  I've been checking daily totals so far but as they are such tiny numbers I'm bundling them up to weekly, still negligible amounts. Even with a ticket and a target I find myself making excuses not to play. It's too early, I haven't woken up yet. It's too late, I'm falling asleep. I'm hungry, I can't concentrate, I've just eaten so can't concentrate. I want to watch that new film, I've no films to watch later so will have to search for some. I don't want to play too much today because I might be playing a long time in the UB Live final qualifier tonight. That last bit's true, but it's a vicious circle of bad habits that I'm doing my best to break, not noticeably successfully,  but I live in hope. The path forward is actually set though, wanting to play more I've an easy low bar as an early target to beat so things aren't all that bad. The target for next week is simply more than 810 hands, hopefully quite a few more. 

     

                                                          

[SShcherbyna]

52 minutes ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

Even with a ticket and a target I find myself making excuses not to play. It's too early, I haven't woken up yet. It's too late, I'm falling asleep. I'm hungry, I can't concentrate, I've just eaten so can't concentrate. I want to watch that new film, I've no films to watch later so will have to search for some. I don't want to play too much today because I might be playing a long time in the UB Live final qualifier tonight. That last bit's true, but it's a vicious circle of bad habits that I'm doing my best to break, not noticeably successfully,  but I live in hope.

Procrastination? I have been struggling with this all my life, only clear goal setting and strict time management help.

52 minutes ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

The target for next week is simply more than 810 hands, hopefully quite a few more. 

Just do it!

Nike, I'm still waiting...

Spoiler

811 hands. 🙃

 

Edited January 15, 2023 by SShcherbyna

[GR1ZZL3R]

   "Procrastination"

   The best example of this I can think of is likening my attempts to get back in the cash streets as like Arnie Rimmer from Red Dwarf preparing for his 13th attempt at passing his Astro Navigation Exam. 

   "He found the process of revising so gruellingly unpleasant, so galling, so noxious, that like most people faced with tasks they find hateful, he devised more and more elaborate ways of not doing it, in a "doing it" kind of way. In fact it was now possible for G to revise starting hand charts for three months and not learn anything at all. The first week of study he would always devote to the construction of a revision time table. Every hour of every day was subdivided into different study periods, each labelled... then painted over in a different colour for each subject, the colours gradually becoming bolder and more urgent shades as the playing day approached. The only problem was that because the time tables often took seven or eight weeks to complete, by the time G had finished them the time to play was almost on him. He'd then have to cram three months of opening ranges into a single week. Gripped by an almost deranging panic, he'd then decide to sacrifice the first two days of that final week to the making of another timetable, this time for someone who had to pack three months of revision into five days. Because five days now had to accommodate three months work the first thing that had to do was sleep. To prepare for an unrelenting twenty four hour sleep free schedule, G would spend the whole of the first remaining day in bed, to be extra ultra fresh, so he would be able to squeeze three whole months of revision into four short days. 

   "Realising he was getting nowhere he tried to get rid of his soul bending tension by treating himself to an evening in one of Huddersfield's quieter bars. Two small beers and three hours of stomach knotting relaxation later, he would go back to his bed and spend half the night awake, praying to the Poker Gods that he didn't believe in for a miracle that couldn't happen. Ravaged by the combination of anxiety alcohol and overwhelming exhaustion he would sleep in till mid afternoon. After a long scream he would rationalise that the day was a total write off  and the rest of the afternoon would be spent shopping for the three best alarm clocks money could buy. This would often take five or six hours and he would arrive back home exhausted but knowing he was fully prepared for his final day's revision before actually playing. 

   "Waking at 04.30, after exercising, showering and breakfasting, he would then sit down to prepare a final final revision timetable which would condense three months of revision into twelve short hours. This done he would give up and go back to bed. Maybe he didn't know a single thing about opening ranges, bet sizing, positional play, but at least he'd be fresh to play the next day. Which is why G is stuck in the micros."

 

Edited January 15, 2023 by GR1ZZL3R

[Irishrover]

After reading all that, I now need a lie down 😂

[GR1ZZL3R]

On 1/15/2023 at 12:20 PM, SShcherbyna said:

On 1/15/2023 at 11:29 AM, GR1ZZL3R said:

The target for next week is simply more than 810 hands, hopefully quite a few more. 

Just do it!

 

On 1/15/2023 at 12:20 PM, SShcherbyna said:

Hide contents

811 hands. 🙃

@SShcherbyna

   That has been well and truly smashed this week already 😃 but the results don't make good reading so far. 😱 Volume is not necessarily the answer. 🤔

[GR1ZZL3R]

   Monday morning again and I really found it hard to get up and get going today. Having started last week off badly, being 3 buy ins down, I spent the rest of the week clawing it back. Success achieved on Friday, the ticket back to over €8 in profit then came a Sad Saturday. Things were going well till suddenly everything seems to go wrong on every table at once. The idea of playing more hands is said to even out variance, a bad run will come to the end sooner rather than later, but to be honest I feel as though I'm treading water for the majority of the time simply waiting for the doom switch to hit. I really don't feel to be playing badly but when the cards turn against you it seems as though it's personal. 

   Anyway, we have to learn to quit, or more importantly when to quit (as we quit at sometime every day). Someone's mentioned that recently (sorry, can't remember) and it is relevant for me. Three bad beats in a short space of time can quite easily tip me over the edge so quit now and recover later. 

   I didn't play cash yesterday as I still had a UB Open ticket to play in the evening, sadly finished 9th out of 19, a small field this week. I was up to second at one time but as usual I went card dead at the wrong time. That's of course assuming there's a good time to go card dead, presumably early on isn't as bad when the blinds are small. Getting down to 20 BB or so I tried playing some not brilliant cards but always seem to get re-raised or shoved on, I went out shoving consecutive hands, A9 < 55 and A5s < TT. One ticket left to play, but once again UB seem to be behind every other poker site in the world as to where any live tourneys are going to be, not a top priority it would appear. 

So I did a Rimmer last week and put together my motivating Google sheets. The thing is they only seem to motivate me when they are positive, I don't want to look at them when they're down, but all part of the mental strengthening I suppose.

 

       

 

   This is my own personal race but it's always going to be lopsided. UB is where I play the bulk, however little that is, Sky is just for a change, a lot of short stacking limpers that don't top up but difficult to get decent tables going, and PP is for the odd short session while waiting for the football to start.

    Motivation could be back with the 90 flops per day for Banzai 🎟️🎟️🎟️, at least my cash 🎟️should will get used sooner if it lasts long enough. As usual I'll save any I get till the last day then spend a frustrating half hour getting out turned and rivered. 

 

 

                                                                                                                      Stay Motivated. 

                                                                                                        

 

   

Edited January 23, 2023 by GR1ZZL3R

[GR1ZZL3R]

Exactly three hours three tabling, 921 hands and 90 flops seen, 133.20 BB's profit. I've realised why it takes me so long., only seeing a flop every 10 hands, it's simply that I am unlucky and get dealt more trash than seems possible.

 

Binned it.

 

 

Binned it.

 

 

 

Binned it.

 

 

 

Binned myself.  🤣

[SShcherbyna]

3 minutes ago, GR1ZZL3R said:

Exactly three hours three tabling

Banzai, 4 tables, 20 minutes - accomplished 😉

But Mr. Bankroll will not always be grateful to you for this. 🤪

[GR1ZZL3R]

   Today was all about patience, seemingly very little happening for long periods then big pots and a bit of luck. Two hours, 24 mins. 797 hands, 90 flops 184.91 BBs up and the 🎟️ back in the positive.    

                                     It's a case of being patient and finding the balance.

                                           

[GR1ZZL3R]

PATIENCE

   This week seems to have been all about patience. It started off completely the opposite of last week, early inroads made and after 3 steady days and one treading water I felt fairly comfortable. That didn't last long though, a dreadful Friday made it seem like the proverbial two steps forward and one (if not two) back, but a very welcome day today split into 3 sessions made it all back and more. 

    I've found out how to graph the results, I always find it easier picturing them rather than reading, and it does show what seems to be steady progress followed by nasty slides. 

                                     

   I have to admit two lost buy ins were my fault, one with a badly timed attempted bluff and only a few hands later (tilt) an all in call when I "knew" I was beaten. Luckily I'd almost seen my 90 flops for the Banzai tickets and managed to stop with no more losses, but the feelings are hard to describe. It's not exactly despair, it's only a few quid, but more a rage at the unfairness of it all. Yes I know we should look at the long run and this graph has helped me see how swingy it can get over what is an incredibly short run, I'm hoping it looks smoother after a few (hundred) thousand hands. Nine thousand after 3 weeks, less than a day's play for some, one point on a graph that would hardly be noticeable. 

   So today ended up being my best so far, over 3 buy ins won for only 500 hands, but I have to learn to stop forcing the action at times. It feels like there's nothing happening after an hour and I just want to get in some pots and play, but raising mediocre hands, getting 3-bet and sometimes 4-bet then calling, is not the way to go.  Patience. 

 

                                   

 

[GR1ZZL3R]

"Community, we have a problem."

   It might not be as big a problem as I thought, but I'm worried about this community dying, I've written about it on the Discord channel but am far too reluctant to let things go, so will continue here for the time being, as long as this community survives or as long as I can. 

   In reality the poker is the biggest problem. Two steps forward and five back this week. Just when you think you're beginning to get a grip on things they have a habit of wandering off in a completely wrong direction. I do take some of the blame, but when you start a session and are a buy in in front after ten minutes it is not a time to relax. Flop a set, all in on the turn against two pair, villain sucks out and the red mist, an ever present danger, gradually but persistently starts seeping into your mindset. The biggest mistake I've made this week is to go too hard for the target, 90 flops to win some Banzai tickets that I'll probably lose with. It just becomes a vicious circle, chasing a target when I've said I won't, firing up too many tables to get the job in hand over with. What's wrong with me playing at my own pace and not chasing? Well I wouldn't win any Banzai tickets then, but isn't that just the fear of missing out? I stopped playing the monthly missions for a reason, I didn't enjoy them, great value as they are, but I don't like Hexas or bounty tourneys so why do it. 

   So to the solution for whatever it's worth. I've bought a €40 2-4c 🎟️to play the flops, I'll fire as many tables as I can and splash around like a whale, get 90 flops seen, then slow the pace down for a one or two table attempt to revive the €100 🎟️taking as long as I need to do so, no time or amount pressure. Best of both worlds, win some Banzai Flip tickets in an hour and revive the main ticket over the course of weeks or even months. Sorted.